she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
