i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
