3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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