I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
