I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
