Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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