My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
