Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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