i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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