he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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