dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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