please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
