whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
