He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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