New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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