That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
