At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
