respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
