i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
