well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
