he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
