Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
