And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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