Sorry, I don't speak sober.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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