Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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