u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Found your dick twin last night
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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