Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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