I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
