dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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