ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
