That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
