your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I will be naked everywhere
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
