I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
