spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
