From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
