once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
