quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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