Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
should my penis look like a turkey
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
