Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
