Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
