a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
