he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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