Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
