So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
