I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
