Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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