she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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