I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize