I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
