i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
