Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
