If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
