god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
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