Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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