He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
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Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
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Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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