Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
