I'm eating all of the evidence.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Randomize
