Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
