oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
