I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
We talked him into tasing himself.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize