Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
