That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
