Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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