I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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