Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
