I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
