I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
