oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
