There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
