Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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